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oneshot : What If(s)




"Say...

When two broken souls collide,
What will happen?"


He stumbled and fell. Face first. Wrong footings. He groaned in pain. He knew that man was still on his tail. He tried to get up. Bad luck. The previous nasty fall caused extreme pain on his right ankle.
"Why now?" He thought, frowning in pain. "Ungrateful bastard!"
A foot landed on his back, big impact. He fell on his stomach against cold floor. His ribs hurt after a few more kicks. His spine eventually too. Another harsh kick landed on his waist. He screamed in pain.
"Someone, help." He helplessly thought. But no one heard. No one came. No one helped. "It's all your fault!" Another kick landed on his shoulder blade. 
"I lost everything because of you!" His tears fell unnoticed. Numerous kicks later, he blanked out. 
He opened his eyes wide. Breath rapid. "It's just a nightmare." He consoled himself.
He lied too many. It was not a nightmare. It was a memory.
He sat up and walked to the door. He turned the doorknob of his bedroom's door. He knew what was waiting for him on the other side. Yet each time feels like the first. Fear rushing through his veins even though everything was okay. He knew it was okay. No one would hurt him here. His breath was rapid. He knew what it was. It was a routine.
Panic attack.
He turned around. He picked up a bottle of white pills. He took out two and swallowed them. His breath slowly returned to normal rate. Opening the door quietly, he slid out from his bedroom.
"Oh, morning." A male greeted, a smile lingered on his lips.
That smile however, faltered as he noticed the other male's face was pale. Too pale that it was considered unhealthy. "Are you okay, Kim?" He asked, right hand reaching for the younger's shoulder.
Wrong move. Kim flinched, eyes tightened and body stiffened. "Don't touch me."
Qian pulled back his hand. "Sorry." He said, eyeing the shorter one. "Are you okay, though?" He asked again in worry. Qian knew Kim's past. He knew all along. He knew about the daily beatings. He knew about the constant screams. He knew about the bruises the next morning. He knew about the bully.

Qian was nowhere near proud for helping his once-was-junior. Truthfully he was not proud at all. Because he was a bystander. He knew about everything from the start, yet he ignored it all. Looking at the other side, he simply walked away. Why?
He was afraid.
No wonder why Kim never trusted him enough up until now. Qian did not even blame him for that. It was his fault. Only if he was brave enough to help Kim from the start like he finally did a year ago, the harm would not be this terrible. Kim's wounds would be even less, the scars too. Both visible and invisible ones.
"It was not your fault." Kim muttered. "After all, you saved me."
Qian looked down. "You know I was too late." He thought and faked a smile. "Do you want to eat?" He asked, searching for Kim's eyes. As indifferent as Kim seemed to be, he was not that oblivious. He knew Qian too well. He knew about the daily cuttings. He knew about Qian's self-blame. He knew about the constant nightmares that someone-he-regarded-as-brother had. He knew about them as well as the latter knew about his past.

Like Qian, Kim blamed himself for not being brave enough. He knew, but he looked past them. Every single time he noticed.
"What do you have?" The pale male asked, pulling his sleeves pass his wrists. "Pancakes." 
"Oh god, again? Save me." Kim joked and followed Qian into the kitchen.
Qian laughed at this. This time, real laughter. Kim smiled. Although he was not so sure if the smile was real or not. "I am going out today. Another session." Kim said monotonously as he eyed the other male. "Hm."
"Do you want to go with me? I hate going alone." Kim asked as Qian preparing their breakfast. "I would love to. But I have a lot of work waiting."
Kim sighed heavily. "Sometimes I think your superiors are heartless. Working on weekend?" Qian laughed at this and handed Kim his portion of pancakes along with a bottle of apple sauce. Kim took them wordlessly. "So you should appreciate and enjoy your time while being in the college, sir. Working sucks." Kim huffed at Qian's reply.
"That topic again." Kim sighed and began to eat quietly. "You know I always want the best for you." Qian replied and sat the opposite of him, starting to eat his own portion. 
"I know. More than my own dad does." Kim thought solemnly and grazed his lips with a small sad smile.






He shrugged off his backpack and sat on his seat. Students cluttered around the classroom, some even in the hall. Kim sighed. How he wished to stay at home instead. But he knew how Qian was. That guy seemed so soft spoken but if he skipped the class, that guy would nag for hours.
"He even made me eat broccoli." He grimaced at the thought of the green vegetable.
Qian knew well that Kim hated that one. For skipping class, that punishment was too much. So Kim forced himself to attend class.
"Daydreaming now, retard?" Kim looked at the person who just greeted him. "Oh, you grew balls now, huh?" The rude guy smirked. "Just because he saved you, you think you have someone there for you forever. Who knows, he might leave when he finds out about it."
Kim glared at the guy. "So what? I don't care." The rude guy snorted loudly, gaining some of their classmates' attention. "You sure? The last time I check, if he decides to leave you, you need to go back to that house."

Kim wordlessly rolled his eyes and ignored the guy. "Speechless now, huh?" That guy taunted more. "Is ignoring a stupid guy instead of wasting my time speechless, Li? If yes, then yes. I am utterly speechless." Kim sarcastically remarked. Smirking as he watched the guy's face turned green.


"The nerve you have, Kim." Li gritted and walked away just a second before their lecturer enter the classroom.

Kim bitterly chuckled. "I've been through even more worse things. Your words are nothing." He muttered under his breath bitterly. After all, it was not a good thing to brag about. He pulled out his binder and pen, jotting down as much as he could.

The class session ended two hours later. Kim walked out of the classroom with his backpack. He could feel eyes on him but chose to ignore them instead. As he exit the hallway, he could see a car parked near the end of the hallway. A familiar car. He sighed.
"Qian, I thought I told you to stop picking me up." Kim said simply as he hugged himself.
Qian grinned. "Jeez, I want to buy you lunch." He said smiling. "I can cook. You have work to do, right?" Kim frowned and opened the car's door. "Eh, it's lunch time anyway." Qian said and closed the door for Kim before running to the other side of the car. He entered the car and looked at Kim. "Plus, I wanted to."
"We both know that isn't all." Kim thought as he looked at Qian. "Fine." Kim sighed out and reached for his seat belt.
The car drove out of the college's area. "Li was annoying again..." Kim sighed out and chuckled. "I wonder if his girlfriend is happy with him, being like that." Qian smiled. "I bet she's not." And they laughed for a moment. "Qian," Kim turned to stare at the other guy.
"Thank you for taking care of me." Silence. "Please take care of yourself too." Kim said. "Do not cut again, Qian." He thought helplessly.
Qian chuckled. "Alright." Lie. "You helped me a lot." Kim said, looking out of the window. "Hm." Kim hesitated at first. He thought about his words through and inhaled. "I will leave the house after I graduated. So I hope you will be happier after that, move on." Silence.
"You don't have to leave." Qian said calmly. "I deserved it anyway." Kim thought. "I want to."
The rest of the ride was filled with silence. Kim focused on the scenery they passed by. He sighed unknowingly. "It would be good if all of us can move on this easily." He thought silently. "It would be less hurtful. Less pain. Less guilt..." He thought, tears blurred his sight.
"Less destruction." A tears fell against his cheeks, followed by another one. "I'm sorry" He closed his eyes tight. I'm sorry.
With a steady blow of cold air from the air conditioner, he fell asleep. "I'm sorry." Qian muttered softly.





"Two broken souls,
When they collide... They will shatter.
Into pieces."






"Stay here. Don't go out." She warned sternly and closed the closet's door.
"No." "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

It felt surreal. He could not move. Shivers went down his spine as he heard the scream again. He wrapped his arms around himself. Self-comfort. "IT HURTS! STOP!" He willed the tears to fall. "I'm sorry."
He felt useless. He could not even protect her. "Can you promise me, Qian-er?" He cupped his ears with his palm. "Stop." He helplessly whispered. However, the screams continued. He could not do anything. "Promise me to protect your sister," That woman's voice reappeared again.
He can't. "I'm sorry." He whispered softly. Knees meeting the chest. He sat quietly, forcing down his sobs. "Please... Stop." The five years old boy begged silently.
But the screams never stopped. It lasted long. Enough to give him a traumatic experience. Enough to get his sister killed.

A hand touched his shoulder, cutting all trains of memories in his mind. He turned around, forcing yet another smile. "Hm?" The other one fidgeted. "Are you okay, Qian?" Kim asked worriedly. Qian nodded and gestured towards the other side of the sofa he sat on. Kim moved around and sat down.
"I have something to say." Kim started, looking down on his fingers. "What is it?" Qian frowned at Kim's behavior.
"Maybe – just maybe – we should stop now. You should stop blaming yourself – I should stop holding onto the past. Perhaps that is what we exactly need – a break." Kim said and put on a friendly smile. "What are you..."
"I know that you cut." Silence. "What I meant was..." Kim then looked straight into Qian's eyes. No, a guy who he considered as his brother.
"We wondered about what ifs too much that we hurt ourselves badly in the process. We blamed ourselves. By the time we realize about it, we are too broken. We are beyond repair." There. He finally said it. Qian did not say anything. He did not even show any reaction. "Maybe we need to stop."



"When two broken souls collide,
And they are broken beyond repair. Should both of them just give up?
Let those painful memories go?
What if. One of them willed to fight but the other one was giving up? What if..."

"Hm." Qian finally hummed and nodded. "What if one of them disappears?" He thought and smiled bitterly. "You finally smiled for real." Qian muttered softly.
"Do you want to eat, Qian?" Kim asked, real smile on his face. 
"What ifs turned real, huh?"

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My inspiration differs. One time, it is from a video and the next it is from my personal research
In this site, everything is purely fictional though some of the real diseases are discussed here.

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